Who in their right mind make ME bartender?
Or: My 90 Proof Week
Saturday: I work 2am-6am, then 6pm-10pm. I’m exhausted and broke, but decide I need to go by the Elbo Room to make sure that it’s okay for my theater group to rehearse there on Sunday (it is). Mick, one of the Elbo Room’s owners, has recently inacted a “Karla drinks for free” mandate. I get stinkingly drunk.
Sunday: I get to Elbo early to make sure all is ready for the rehearsal (The play I’m producing will have an excerpt performed at WNEP Theater’s Benefit Cabaret on Wednesday - Thus the rehearsal). All is ready so I buy a round of drinks for the cast. Mick makes my gin & tonics in PINT glasses. I really don’t have much to do during the rehearsal…I get stinkingly drunk.
Monday: I feel a cold coming on, but unfortunately, I am still obligated to host my weekly open mic night at the Elbo Room.
I always get drunk on Mondays.
Tuesday: My lungs feel like they are on fire, I can barely swallow, but at 5:30 I go to the space where WNEP is having the Benefit to help decorate. Six other WNEP’ers are there, which means we’re finished by 6:30. We decide to go early to Town Hall Pub for the “Post-Engagement/Pre-Wedding” get together being held by two couples in the company (everybody’s getting married nowadays). We split a few pitchers before the happy couples arrive. The happy couples proceed to buy the next 20 pitchers or so before leaving. The early birds become the night owls, and don’t leave ’til closing time. I make a minor (though habitual) mistake in judgement, which will not be discussed here, because I was: Stinkingly Drunk.
Wednesday: Nausea has joined the head cold symptoms. I go to the Benefit Cabaret with nothing more than a granola bar and a handful of chips in my stomach. The organizer of the event informs me that I will be bartending.
No, seriously. I was the bartender.
I manage to maintain (or at least imitate) sobriety for much of the evening, until a bottle and a half of chardonnay kicks in, wherein I make another (albeit different) habitual mistake in judgement.
Thursday: I don’t remember Thursday.
Friday: I wake at 3am, proceed to vomit for the next 4 hours. Spend the next few hours scheduling auditions (we start casting the play Saturday), then go to work early to print out materials for tomorrow. Lay down for an hour, then go on air…
Saturday: …At 2am until 6am. Auditions are noon-4pm. Then I will return to work 6-10pm. There will be another batch of auditions tomorrow, noon-4pm.
I’m not going to Elbo Room tonight.
Well, probably not.