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Second Letter to the Powers that Be

Dear Sirs,

I see that you received my previous correspondence. And I appreciate the promptness of your reply.

It was quite the delightful first date…A perfect day at the zoo, followed by buffalo wings and conversation at a quaint neighborhood pub. The specimen you sent me was satisfactory in every way. Excellent condition - physically, mentally, and (seemingly) emotionally. There were no awkward pauses during the scintillating discussions of independent film, music, career ambition and travel. And I must say you really did your research this time! It couldn’t have been easy to find another left-handed 27 year old who’s previously worked as both a zoo keeper and a party promoter, who just moved out of the same city my brother currently lives in, and who can pick up things with his feet (just like me!). We certainly had a lot in common to talk about. Start to finish, I had a wonderful time with the subject you provided.

So what’s the catch?

Huh? What’s wrong with him? Is he still carrying a torch for a lost love (who may or may not show up at any moment)? He’s a writer, was he researching some story about awful blind dates? Was this actually even a date? Maybe he just thought it was two people hanging out. Did you send me another gay one? Did you, you bastards? Is he gonna take that job he was talking about in Washington…It starts in a MONTH, you know…A fucking month!

Or…Cruelest of all…Are you letting me get all excited about a single perfect day at the zoo (with buffalo wings to follow), just to find out that this guy isn’t into me at all?

Is he?

Jesus christ, you guys suck.

This isn’t over, fuckers.
K-

Tags: Filthy Lies & Fiction by Karla
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D.F.T

Gotta hold it in, gotta hold it in!

The thought races through my head as the man sitting shyly on the edge of my bed begins to speak.

“Hey, that was fun. You know, I normally don’t do things like this.” I nod absently at him, still rummaging through the pile of clothes on the floor, looking for his t-shirt.

“Yeah, well… first time for everything, I guess,” I reply. Gotta hold it in, just a little bit longer…
“Well, maybe I’ll call you some time?”

I hand him his shoes (one under the bed, the other inexplicably resting on top of the dresser).

“Sure, why not.” I smile tightly. Would you get OUT of here already…Can’t hold it in!“Okay. Well. See ya’ around.” I nod again, gently herding Jim (Or possibly Alex) out the door. As I slam the deadbolt behind him, I lean against the door with a sigh of relief.

“BRRROOOOOTTTT.”

Thank God. I totally had to cut one.
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Tags: Essays, Manifestos, & Unsolicited Opinions by Karla
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