How could you miss me if I’m always here?
For the record, there’s nothing lamer than a post about why you’re not posting…
A very nice dude (”Jerod,” if that is your REAL name) who comments on The Stranger’s Blog apparently thinks I’m funny, and wondered why I hadn’t been posting much lately. So here’s the short list. It looks pretty much identical to the long list.
1. I’m happy. My marriage is awesome, the apartment is great, the dogs are hilarious. It’s hard to be all pissed at the world and feel like you need to write when you’re happy.
2. I’m depressed. The weather is shit, the dogs are a pain in the ass, the apartment needs cleaning (marriage is still good). It’s hard to summon the energy to write when you’re depressed.
3. I’m playing too many video games. We get a lot of them free now.
4. I’m actually writing for a video game, so playing them is research, therefore I can write-off all the ones that we don’t get free. To both the government and my husband.
5. I’m writing for a video game, so people are giving me money to write, therefore I should probably be doing more of that, instead of just playing video games. Or blogging.
6. Jay and I have been really social lately and I haven’t had much time to write.
7. I don’t get out of the house much lately and I haven’t had much to write about.
8. I’ve recently gotten totally obsessed with politics, but didn’t want to bore you with my opinions.
9. I realized EVERY blogger is boring you with their opinions. On a related note, despite the evidence above to the contrary, I’ve mostly been avoiding forums and comment sections of websites. The internet has just been pissing me off lately.
10. I dunno. Guess I didn’t feel like writing?
Anyway, I’m not sure how so many conflicting statements can be completely and utterly true at the same time, but there you are. It’s not like I have nothing to talk about…I mean, I accidentally (yet instinctively) caught dog pee in my hand the other day, and my cousin and I got shitfaced with our respective spouses and lit a bunch of stuff on fire at Kalaloch Campground last weekend…but right now?
I’m just fuckin’ tired, dude. Oh, and TOTALLY drunk.
But thanks for hanging around anyway. You’re good people.
14 Responses to “How could you miss me if I’m always here?”
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Glad to see you’re still alive. Always loved your sense of humor and missed reading your posts.
>>I accidentally (yet instinctively) caught dog pee in my hand the other day
I have accidentally (yet utterly instinctively) caught dog poop in my hand. On two seperate occassions.
The first time (years ago) was to save my friend’s brand new white carpeting from Olive’s evil machinations. Wood and linoleum floors in every room…with the exception of the one she beelined for.
The second time (just months after the first time)…while at a different location, was my obvious need to learn the same lesson twice. Ever since, I make sure to walk Olive about 40 times before entering someone’s house.
Glad you’re back! Hey to the Mister!
Crossing fingers that I “might” be coming back in November…this asshat economy is impacting my god given right to attend trade shows and run up a decent room service bill!
Well, as long as your posting something somewhere.
Married a guy from Cracked?!?!
What, all the guys over at MAD taken?
(best Karla voice)
“Look at me world, I drink!
You’re so god damn cool that I enjoyed reading the nothingness that was this blog.
I have a Pumpkinpants Jr now.
Zoey Tate Stage is the cutest little turd in the world.
(ps…the message from Yope would make more sense to me if Cracked & Mad were one hit wonders touring shithole iowa clubs)
Bill,
It was a reference to the “literature” that most 12 year olds find immature.
Sounds like you are an expert on “one hit wonders touring shithole iowa clubs”
Way to swing for the fences, your mom must be proud.
Yope,
Bill IS an expert on “one hit wonders touring shithole Iowa clubs,” as he saw me make an ass out of myself with a record number of them.
Ah, the good ol’ days.
So it was, as they say, an inside joke directed at ME, having nothing to do with you. Don’t get your panties in a twist.
Thanks for reading. I guess.
No panties in a bunch here. Guess I’m not cool enough to “get” the inside hipster jokes.
now that I understand…
(Golf clap)
COMEDY GOLD!
Dude. Most people wouldn’t come to a site that seemingly pisses them off so much.
Anyway, one last time. It wasn’t a “hipster” joke. Bill was making fun of me for being a slut. Me.
MEEEEEEEE.
If you don’t seem to find anything here amusing, might I humbly suggest “moving on?” Why don’t you try Something Awful or 4Chan or go get snarky on Digg or something? I’m sure someone is wrong on the internet somewhere else, and in desperate need of your corrective comments.
Guess I have to “sign up for membership” to your cool inner circle for my comments to be taken as something other than face value.
Sorry I missed the rule that says that readers must post “really super cool positive” things about you.
I just happened to read some of your articles and noticed the alcohol trend, sorry if that hit a little close to home.
Sorry if I mistook this for a place to express my opinion.
Sorry the polar caps are melting.
Sorry for acid rain.
Sorry that you don’t poop goldbars.
(FYI, I’m not sorry about anything above.)
“Sorry if I mistook this for a place to express my opinion.”
Yeah, that’s pretty much where you made your first big mistake. Seriously.
I mean, nobody else thinks this is some intellectual discussion group. Right?
For real. Why would you think that? It was ALWAYS a place where I talked about my drinking problem leading to bigger issues (ahem…not to put too fine a point on it, but please note the FUCKING NAME OF THE SITE). This is a jack-off site of no importance whatsoever. Why would you think anyone who doesn’t know me would give a shit?
You kids.
Though I AM totally down with the brightest and best of Yope’s suggestions: “The rule that says that readers must post “really super cool positive” things about you.”
Let’s make that happen people!
I find it admirable that your motivation for the site being your drinking problem leading to other issues. The crux of that is that you seem to be PROUD of it. If you think you have a drinking problem, then be responsible and do something about it.
Please note, I DO find some of your articles entertaining, but cringe when it appears you are going off the deep and don’t seem to care.
You know yourself better, so I could be waaay off base here.
I’m not trying to preach here, just voicing my opinion…
To paraphrase someone (funnier than I am):
“I don’t have a drinking problem. I’m AWESOME at it.”
Well your concise defense has swayed my argument.
You clearly have no issues whatsoever and should NOT seek some sort of help to work whatever issues you may have.
Definitely keep venting on the internet, it cures all. What a healthy life you live. Having a drunkard around is something I now aspire to find.
AND continue to dismiss anyone else who suggests that this is a REAL problem.
You are right, I was wrong - keep on trucking. I’m sure the constant drinking will only make you healthier and maybe give you X-Ray vision, cool.
If they post an obituary that says you’ve passed on due to liver failure or something alcohol related, don’t worry I won’t believe the slanted media.
I’m on YOUR side!