Know why chicken needs beef flavor? Because chicken SUCKS.
Apparently fast food chain El Pollo Loco has been taking the piss out of KFC’s new “grilled” chicken because the recipe includes “beef powder” and rendered beef fat. To which I say: Why else would anyone eat it? Chicken sucks.
Know what most of this tastes like? Nothing.
Here’s the deal, and I don’t know if anyone else has realized this…but chicken tastes like sawdust’s ass. I appreciate that chicken farts don’t cause catastrophic global climate change like our gassy, grassy and delicious friends, the pig and cow, but my tastebuds don’t really care about the environment. The most prized part of the chicken, the super-good-for-you, skinless, untouched, virgin breast - that shit’s utterly tasteless.
My husband and I have had this debate many a time. We’ll go to an Indian/Mexican/Cajun/Moroccan restaurant and have a delicious meal made of the worst parts of the animal available. I will insist it’s a triumph of cuisine, developed and tested by centuries of poor ethnic people having to make do with the worst cuts of meat, but hey, those are actually the most flavorful, and they’re supremely spiced and marinated. Jay declares Tandoori chicken would be awesome if only it was made with premium chicken breast, despite the fact that breast-meat wouldn’t stand up to the heat of a Tandoor (500+ degrees, motherfucker!) and is so utterly bland it will dry out if you even look at it wrong. I’m not opposed to the occasional piece of dark meat (multiple entendre!), since at least that has a little bit of fat to add flavor. But overall, chicken’s just…blah. Why wouldn’t you smother it in beef fat if you wanted people to actually, you know…eat and enjoy it?
I will certainly agree that KFC may have been deceptive in presenting their grilled chicken as a healthier option to their usual heart attacks in a bowl - fried chicken on top of mashed potatoes covered in cheese AND gravy? Delicious, ingenious even, but for fuck’s sake we’re a nation of goddamn fatties…C’MON!
I am your deep-fried gravy dreamboat
Though I also think if you’re retarded enough to think anything at a fast-food restaurant is actually healthy for you, you deserve to die of heart disease. For chrissake, the grilled chicken sandwich at McDonald’s has more calories than the Quarter Pounder or the Hot Fudge Sundae. Also, it doesn’t taste as good, because it is NOT MADE OF BEEF.
Instead of mocking KFC for adding beef to their chicken, El Pollo Loco should have been taking a page from them. “All our chicken is bathed in beef fat for at least a week, then wrapped in 6 layers of succulent bacon!” That would have had me camping out in their drive-up, toot sweet. And I don’t even own a car.
As it is, I’m just thinking they’re jealous they didn’t think of it first.